Back in Butcher Holler

Guess Aunt Mabel's postcard got me thinking about home. Thought you'd like to see where I came from!

Yes, this is me in front of my Aunt Mabel and Uncle Buford's house. This is where I spent my formative years. It's very roomy, with a nice mud pile out back. Since I've been gone, they added indoor plumbing (somehow I don't think it'll ever be the same.)

My cousin Lorettie's husband Floyd and their ten little piglets live there too. Good thing it's only 10 miles to the nearest Hogmart.

Postcards from Home - Part 2

Hola Wilbur,

I made it out to Hollywood, and got on "Wheel of Fortune". Guess what? You got it - I won! They sent me on
vacation South of the Border. I took one of them cruises to Ensenada. I'm havin' a ball...all ya can eat...love the ribs and taquitos...(they's like chicken fingers, but yummier!)....There's somethin' to do every minute...bingo...disco dancin'...and all them purdy senoritas! I'm learnin' me some espanol so's I can say howdy to a little muchacha I'm kinda sweet on.

Gee, if I'd never of won the Big Spin, I'd still be back in Butcher Holler, watchin' the paint dry on the fence out back, or driving Momma to them D.A.R. meetings. Well, it's time for the pinata. Gotta go!

Hope yer havin' a hoot in the Big City!

Your cuz,

Pete (aka "Pedro")

[Photo: Phyllis Hansen]

Postcards from Home - Part I

The mail came today. There was a postcard from Aunt Mabel, and I quote:

"Dear Willy,
How do you like my new hairdo? Buford says I look just like Rita Hayworth. Your Grandpa got his ear chewed up by a coyote, and your Cousin Pete hitched a ride to LA to get on some TV show. The D.A.R. is having an ice cream social next Sunday and I just don't know what I'm gonna wear.
Awww shsucks, Wilbur, you've gotta come home from that big old city right now!"

I guess she misses me. I miss her too. My Aunt Mabel makes the best chocolate banana strawberry waffles with whipped cream and cherries on top.

Aunt "M" taught me that a good breakfast was the most important meal of the day. She also used to say that having breakfast for lunch and dinner was even better!

Guess there's no place like home, is there?



[Photo: Phyllis Hansen]

Little Edie Piggy

"...the perfect summer costume..."

Grey Gardens

A visit to the village of Easthampton isn't complete without a visit to "Grey Gardens".

Fractured Farrah Tales

Nothing like a Vanity Fair celebrity-catch-up session between waves....

When I saw this cover, I was inspired to write my own fond farewell.

Dear Farah,

Boy, talk about being upstaged...it just isn't fair, is it? I mean, it's hard enough getting famous and all, and then not to be able to exit stage left without bumping into some other famous person is just more than a person ought to take. Of course, if you die in Hollywood, you're kind of upping the odds, seeing as how there are so many other famous people who could drop dead at the drop of a hat...and a lot of really old famous people you thought were dead but really aren't...(somebody ought to keep a list....I mean, I'm never exactly sure who's dead these days) but you know what I mean.

I must say I'm glad VF gave the "Angel" top billing. In this little pig's opinion, you were a pretty decent human being, and unlike some other beings, you weren't afraid to grow up. You were cool...all the way to the end. And I'm not afraid to say it. (sniff)

Love,
Your Fan,
Wilbur

Island Idyll

It's a skip and a jump
to the Pacific, oh!
To the shimmering shores
of the Ga-la-pa-go,

Where in minutes I met
with rep-tilian romance
A tap on her shell and
"May I have this dance?"

And by moonlight we snuggle
and wiggle and woggle,
and woo by the light of the sea,
She swears that she'll love me,
smooch and bear-hug me
from here to E-ter-ni-ty,




So with Therese the Tortuga,
I set sail for Bermuda
And savored the hours at sea,
Til we rounded a bend
(our idyll's sad end...)
that no one but He could foresee.

While snacking on oysters
I quipped about cloisters
and sent her rollicking back on her shell

"Ha-ha-ha"
"Ho-ho-ho!"
She gasped and she choked
Unable to stand on her feet.

I dove to her rescue,
but slipped on a roux
and slid off the deck,
to the froth be-loo...

Her fits were acute,
and the oyster took root
And she gasped her last words,
"Oh, Pigg, what a hoot!"

Try as I did to scale the rope
Remorse had set in, I lost all hope
Guilty as charged, it was I who had erred
Mine was the last fatal joke that she heard.

As for the rest, it needn't be said
it is bad for the heart, it's bad for the head
I had lost my true shell-mate
in a mishap at sea...

"Dear Therese, please forgive me,
'twas meant in good fun,
how did I know that this was the one
the quote that would tickle your funny bone so,
that into that good night you would swiftly go?

Remember I loved you for a season at sea
Remember the biscuits I fed you at tea,
Recall if you will, the moon in your shell,
And from up in your heaven, remember me well."

Fondly,

Capt. W. Pigg ("Snoogles")
Newport, R.I.
1874